Too blessed…but yet…kinda stressed!!!

OK so there is A LOT going on right now in the life of Rick Wade, and its always like that if you know him (yes I am talking in 3rd person). He enjoys being busy, but not to busy to enjoy life. Tonight has been the first night since Christmas break since he has had time to just sit down. He did the dishes, and watched some clothes, and attempted to look at some tv, but nothing was that interesting except “Drawn Together”. But on to the reason why he decided to name it just that…too blessed to be kinda stressed. First off he would like to start out by sayin that he aint really stressed, its just the living life part, but its all good. Today, it was at the start of 4th period that he walked out to get some McDonalds BREAKFAST, and it wasn’t till I headed back till it hit him…not another car, but a thought of how blessed he really is. As he was going around the circle headed back to school he ran it to one of his sands, (LB), random nigga, frat, bruh, call him what you wish…Rick Wade has his own thoughts. He saw him on the corner. I immediately pulled over my car and was like what are you doing. Part of Rick Wade wanted to pull off and be like hummm sorry for ya, but that is NOT what the brotherhood is all about. And plus Rick has always been taught don’t do what others have done to you…its hard sometimes but in this case Rick didn’t. He said that his car had broken down, and that he had to get it fixed so that he could go to work around 1:30. So me being the person that I am…I put my life on hold for someone who could really give a flying shit about me…Rick Wade don’t know if its true, but just know that the feeling COULD be both ways. Rick waited while the tow truck came, and it did like 30 min later, rode out the mechanic spot, and that took about 20 minutes, then took him back to his house to change clothes, then off to work out in New Albany. This turned it to about 2 hours worth of helping a brother out. I dint mind at all…I really didn’t, but in the mist of all of this, it made me realize that how blessed Rick Wade really is. He has a car that works…a true blessing (not to many 22 year olds can get a new car out of college), a job that pays more than 10.00 an hour, the smarts to see that just a B.A. is just not enough in today’s world, and is now looking for schools with a PhD program that fits me. I mean what else could I wish for??? Rick has his bruhs that I call my SANDS, and his spec’s, and that I could call in the mist of any storm that Rick may be having. I have all of my needs that are met, and that is a God sent. This post is not a mere fact of belittling anyone or talking about anyone cause EVERYONE has there faults, but it was just a self realization that I needed. I know that I am blessed, but sometimes you need the picture just to see that…and today I got it….HOLLA


By the way...I spent both of my free periods, and my lunch helping this dude out...and it makes me wonder...would the same would have been done for Rick Wade???? The world may never know

If you happy and you know it clap your hands…or who has the time to clap or do anything!!

No silly I aint talking about blogin, I am talking about grad school, initial certification… and just life in general. Today started out great. I was a freshman English teacher and as much as I hate (I shouldn’t say that cause that is a very strong word) but I just don’t like freshman…it was cool. We did a review of adjectives, verbs, nouns, and pronouns. I said some of this stuff so much that I can now name all of the pronouns, and that is kinda cool. I left school on a happy and playful note, and couldn’t wait to get on with my evening activities for example getting up with any bruhs (my sands) my girl, and just having a real chill evening. I was goin to even go up to her lil work spot and just say hi…but I had to make it through one more event…MY ADVISOR. All in all, he is a cool guy and for the most part knows his stuff. So before the meeting even started, he was like yea… you are trying to student teach in the fall we are going up on tution this summer…so that’s 417 a credit hour and that is 10 of them. I looked at him and was what the hell. Not only that, but I have to do my content experience, so that means that you can tack on another 3…so 417 times 13…that is a lot to student teach. One may think like it can’t be that bad…but did I forget to say that it’s 10 WEEKS OF UNPAID WORK…no subbing no nothing. So you pay for the class then on top of that no pay. OK…OK. So as the meeting went on he continuously reminded me of my praxis which is 135 a pop...and I have to take 2 of them; 1 for my content area, and the other for teaching and learning. Then he reminded me of my methods class which is online from the University of Utah…485.00 plus 3 books that are about 89.00 a pop give or take a few dollars. Then still I have about 5 more undergrad classes to take at Columbus State 79.00 a hour…and about 7 classes or 23 hours of grad work at 417.00. When lookin at this in the grand scheme of things, the bottom line to this issue is that I have a dead line for ME…and I don’t think that I am going to meet it, and MONEY which is the REAL problem. You know that the government don’t always give you the funding that you need and if that is true, then…I will be a grad student forever. I wanted to be done spring of 07 which is pushing it REAL BAD…or 07 which I s highly possible. Now that he was the bearer of bad news, its looking like December of 07…and that is just too long. Cause I still have to do my thesis or my practicum I don’t know which one yet…but its starting to be a bit much. Then farther more, I want to move out of this place. I mean really, I need to get my own spot. I enjoy coming home and not having to have people…lets just say I like not to be bothered when I walk in the door after a long day with someone else’s kids or a long nite of class and sometimes both…the shit aint fun. Some times I feel bad cause I know I be neglecting people, but I don’t know what else to do..i have my own set of problems and if Rick Wade aint happy…then aint nobody happy….I AINT CLAPPINPS


PS... I just decided on Sunday that I want my PhD. I love the learning process and all that goes in it. Some think that I am silly…but please, you can just call me Mr. Wade MEd, then Dr. Wade…ooooohhhhhh…that looks sooo good.

BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!!

Ok…so this post is going to be a lil different. I am going to do it in sections about certain things in my life. I want to first start out by sayin that God is good cause he brought me through another uneventful year (in a bad way), and gave me nothing but blessings and small test and trials that I was able to overcome and make a stronger person…shot out to Jesus… hes da hommie…


Now…here we go.


Where did Winter break go. Can I get a slice I of free time please with those fries PLEASE.


Kauffmans:
I decided to get a winter holiday job, and for the past 3 years, I have always worked there, and this year made it nothing new. I started a week or 2 before Thanksgiving, and not soon after got a “promotion” (well its better than being on the floor selling stuff). I started to work in the Customer Service. In customer service, I do more than just see people who are upset about some issue in the store, I answer phones, gift wrap, and count refund and change drawer, and give “change out slips”. I must say that it’s a lot going on back in that lil area, but it works and I like it. I have become a pro at gift wrapping, and my bows are off the hook, I make a mean bow and can wrap a hot ass gift. I am that deal!!! With the drawers, I give change to employes that may need change for whatever and since all monies have to be accounted for, there is a certain way that it all has to be done. Then if I close I have to count and close 3 drawers, and that takes a long time when you tryin to leave. So now they let me stay on part time. I work at Kauffmans on the weekend cause I am that good. I don’t know how well its going to work…but I am a Alpha, but on the other hand…I aint gonna kill myself!


Grad and Undergrad simi girlfriend.
Ok…so for the longest since the start of December, I have been trying to find someone to help pay for my undergrad classes and all of my family turned me down. I didn’t know what I was going to do. The money was due Dec 29 at 12 midnight. Before I left for camp, I was talking to a bruh, and I told him that I wasn’t worried about it cause it was going to be taken care of…I hoped. I P.U.S.H.E.D. (Prayed Until Something Happened) and something happened. On my way home from camp, I got my girl next to me asking me to meet her peoples from Cali and I am like no…NO…I just came from camp (and she did too) and I was worried about my money that was due for classes…I had to find the money cause they would drop me from my classes and then I would have to pay more money and fees just to get in the classes and I COULNDT do that. The problem was that I didn’t have the money…so what makes you think that I have the exrtra money for the fees??? So its like 2 pm…and I don’t know what I am goin to do. She was pissed (we rode from camp all they way to Columbus in silence) that I didn’t want to meet her peoples, and I had that I don’t care attitude cause I needed money and fast…I was starting to panic. So she says when I drop her off…”What do you want me to tell them”. I was thinking that she would tell them that he had to find some money for classes so that he can stay in school. It’s a struggle that all of us can relate to. But I wanted to say that “I ….u can fell in the rest….” WHEN RICK WADE WANTS SOMETHING NOTHING STANDS IN HIS WAY. But never the less the second time that I got home there in my mail box was some change (credit card) to help me pay for my classes. NOW that was a blessing. I never sent away for the card…it was one that I paid off way back when. He aint there when you want him…but He is always on time!!! Needless to say, I did end up meeting her family from Cali at red Lobster all expenses paid. She called and left me a message on my phone, and it made me think...She posed a question like am I really ready for this.., marriage and all. And I am settin there with my jaw open like no she didn’t. I was appalled, she knows how much this important this is to me, and not only that I cant get a “real” job with out these classes. She wanted me to met her people…I wanted to pay for classes…???? I don’t know. They are both are important but I mean I have to pay for classes…I am just trying to be a black educated man…its what society needs. People what do you think about that one??? I mean it was our first “fight” or disagreement since we got back together, and all is good now…Love ya! I promised my sands I wasn’t goin to talk about it…so I aint….NEXT.


New Years Eve
yes…I had to work New Years Eve from 11-6pm. From work I went and got her, then back downtown to see my “other” (Big Brothers Big Sisters) family then home, changed clothes, then to my church for a Kwanzaa celebration, then to her church for watch nite service. Then I had to hit her off with the grand finally…SKIING. Yes folks black folks do ski. It was her first time. On the way up there she was like oh my God, I can’t believe that I am doing this…this is crazy…”WE” don’t ski. I was like you have to step out that box and try new things. Once she got the hang of this (bout 1 hour)…she loved it. I think we found our new winter thing. She is trying to find time so that we can go again this winter. I have told people about how much fun that we had…and they trying to go to…so we will see. You know you a popular and well like teacher when the students invite you, and some of the other staff!!! Mr. Wade do it big.


Christmas:
It was cool I had picked out all of my gifts so I knew what I was getting. But if you know me, I like to go all out for others when I can. If you know the story of Rick…you know that he is broke…but somehow some way….got my sister this funky ass smelling Burberry perfume, and my nephew this huge remote control car that was hot. I played with it so much that I had to take it back to Wal-Mart on the 26 at 5:30 to be there when the store opened to take it back to get another. Yes I broke his toy….I am a kid at heart. I got my grandma this glass frog (she like frog for some odd reason…I think they look alike but others think different…LOL) and some other stuff too…and this picture that I took of all of the grandchildren in a frame. She has it settin out…so she really must have like that.


In conclusion for the next 4 months, I teach in the morning, then go to class at night grad and undergrad. I have classes EVERYDAY of the week even Saturday for next Semester/Quarter, and then I work at Kauffmans on the weekend too. Somehow someway, I would like to get a higher GPA than last semester…3.777


Since winter break started I have had 3 days off all together, and it went by so fast. I am so broke living the college life all over again. I thought those days were OVER…think again.


The END::::::::::::

If you see me in the streets...just give me a high 5 and tell me to keep my head up....TIME AINT LONG!!! cause I will be BUSY BUSY BUSY

Pissed the hell ...who the hell is she???

Ok…so I looked up the word grandmother and this is what I come across…fuck it…I don’t want to. I told this lady like 2 weeks ago when my account went on the hole like 149.00 or what ever it was, that I was goin to be late with her rent money (first point to keep in mind..rent???) We had this conversation, and at the end of it, she was like how does that concern me. I never asked her for her help because that aint who I am. I take responsibility for my own actions. I was the one that did it…so man up. And I did. I got it taken care of, and now have about 6 whole dollars in the bank. My Insurance is about 1 week late, and I am waiting for the second notice. When it comes, I don’t know what I am goin to…but one day at a time worry about that when it gets here. So today when I walk in the house its like 10:50 pm. She came out of the bathroom and I said hi grandma…the first thing that came out of her mouth was when are you goin to pay me my rent. I started to pretend like I didn’t hear her, but that is not the adult way to handle it. I simply approached her (and I didn’t have an attitude like I usually do), and told her that I have 6 dollars in the bank. She looked at me and said so…I want my money and shrugged her shoulders…”you gotta pay rent somewhere no matter where you go”. Yea I know that, but I am at home…somewhere that I have called home since like I was 5 years old. It was at the very point that I felt like I was so alone. How can this woman that I call my grandmother be so caught up in what I owe her. She acts like I want to be here with her…I don’t. I hate (hate is a very strong word) every minute of it. I cant play my music loud, her brother is here, I cant have company over like I want to, and to farther top it off, I cant walk around butt ass naked. She act like I aint doing nothing with my life except just working at the local McDonald or something (no offence to those who work there). But I am a college educated black man, working on a master degree to farther myself. I paid out of pocket for my undergrad classes, and I have to do the same again for winter quarter classes. This money is due Dec 29…it came in the mail today…if I don’t pay it, they drop you from the class. I mean my first year out, (depending on where I go ATL, or the 614) I will be making at least 42,000 off rip. The lil 235.00 that I owe her will be so minuscule. Every time that I am around one of her friends, and my name comes up, she be like yea…I am pround of him…blah blah blah…but now, I really don’t believe her. She is such a dam greedy hog…and it bothers me. It goes back to last year when I first got my car (NOV 2004). I knew that I was a substitute teacher, and I was fine with that at the time. I had my old beat up car, that would not work in the rain, the breaks needed about 800.00 worth of repairs, and it was just a lot wrong with that car. It got me through the times, but….i needed to get around the city being a sub teacher. So I went and got my used Mazda 6…yes used. The minute that I pulled up in the driveway, her eyes lit up and were like JACKPOT. I can milk him for some money…and she has been. I was so bad that she wanted me to pay her over the summer, and I wasn’t even here because I was at camp…now that is a damn shame. That is how I know she is in it for the money. And to piss me off even more she is always going to damn river boat…blowing it away. I just be like you claim that you are so broke, and yet….you goin to the boat…WHAT THE HELL. Or you get all of this shit that don’t nobody need, or that don’t in no way help no one out. If anyone knows my schedule, you know that I aint never here, so I cant run up a electric bill. All that I have is my computer and that is after 9 because I be in class, and if that is the case, then you know what you have to eat out because you aint never at home….so like I said before, I really don’t know where my money be going. 200 for rent, 35 for internet. In case you are wondering, I still have the net because that is how I get some of my jobs when I don’t have one…I wake up at like 4 am, and see what is out there…NO NET…NO JOB…NO JOB…NO MONEY…and that is a step backwards right now. I mean I am already stressed out about money, Alpha, school, girlfriend, teaching, being a black male (not in any order), and now with this shit...what the fuck..i am too stressed for all of this. With bill collectors, you can hang up on them, but with someone that you live with…I don’t know. So this is how I feel… since I am payin her money to stay here, this is where I live…she bed not ask me for shit from now on. The only dishes that I will wash is my own…takin the trash out…NOT…helping her around the house because she cant do stuff no more like run the sweeper…she better call somebody else…cause like I aint on it...takin that nigga that I call uncle Bobby to church…no more…nigga better walk…doing stuff around the house….lol…right…you better ask somebody….I am bout to act a fool, and be the worst housemate. This is why people I aint never at home, I don’t want to put up with this bullshit…and that is all it is. I have enough to put up with just because that is life. But all in all…I am going to get my master degree, and NO ONE will stand in my way. This shit is for the birds.


Radio

I pays to be a toys r us kid (ding)

OK…this was a cool day. It started out great. I mean that teacher that I was subbing for has a ruff first period, then they getter as the day goes on. I can say that because I have been her before. Her first period aint bad…they are just LOUD, and talk way too much. They laugh about stupid stuff…(point one…this is important). But all in all, the morning was cool. When I got to 4th period, they were the Juniors…I LOVE JUNIORS. They aint too old, and they aint too young. You can play them, they would get the lil jokes that you make…and its just a good time. But anyways, they were working on their research paper about something…I don’t remember. So we were in the computer lab. I had my wireless hooked up to my top of laps, and I just decided that I would cheek my bank statement. WHAT THE HELL…that bitch said -148.05…and had the nerve…the absolute nerve to have it down to the cents. My whole attitude changed…and the kids noticed. I got to 5th period, they was like Mr. Wade…whats good with you…you look like you don’t want to be here. I didn’t, I was pissed and wanted to go off on someone…or stab someone…I couldn’t (point two…this is important). So the day goes on, and I was just not my normal self. But I couldn’t let it get to me…I was there for the kids, and not to focus on my own problems…the life of a teacher. Even one of my FAVORITE students (a kid that I would even adopt) noticed that something was wrong. He tried to cheer me up…and it was cool. By the way, I let this kid get away with too much stuff, but I don’t care because he is my favorite…in the whole school. Like for example, he came up to me and took out my BLUETOOTH, out of my ear, and put it in his, like nothing was wrong. While he was doing this, usually with student, I put up this defense around my body, I don’t like people in my personal space, but it was cool for some odd reason. I don’t know. So as the day goes on, I get ready for the big game. I know my game aint tight at all. But I TRIED. It was a lot of fun, and had the students talking about me. After like Mr. Wade you are uncoordinated…and I came back with “Well I wasn’t with ya auntie”…and have everyone crackin up. Mr. Wade aint going out like no punk. But during the game, my chest was wheezing and I was tired, and sweating (point three…this is important). I was crampin up, couldn’t talk…felt like I was in someone’s basement… ok so it wasn’t that bad, but still. I didn’t score, and the dude that I was sticking was a beast. He had mad skillz that I didn’t, so there was no point. BUT I TRIED. When I got replaced by another teacher, he ended up shaking the shit out of this other teacher. It was to the point where we had to stop the game cause the students was pumped…that was a good thing. But all in all, the teachers did win…and THAT is what we wanted.


Now…I got to school around 7:20 am or so. And my hands was kinda ashy, so I took some lotion that the teacher had on her desk…and that was a BIG MISTAKE. This is not the first time that this has happened, but my soft ass must be allergic to certain lotions. Because after I put it on, I started to cry, my eyes would not stop watering. They did this for at least 3 hours… I couldn’t see to read, and my eyes were hurting. I couldn’t wipe them because I had this cheap lotion on my hands…it sucked, and I was stuck in the classroom with these kids.


I get a phone call around 6 period, and it was my aunt. She said that she was coming in town, and don’t tell my grandma so I didn’t. But I get home and it goes down. The door bell rings, and my grandma answers the door. And its her. But I go to class and as I am getting ready to do my presentation, I start feeling sick. Sweating and my stomach is upset. It makes for a long class period. But I make it home, so now I am just sitting here with an upset stomach…and I don’t know why. I had spaghetti for lunch, and some wings from Roosters…so I don’t know what the deal is. I cant be sick cause I am bout to put some food away this week…and clog up someone’s toilet!



The points that I pointed out (3 of them)…are facts that I am growing up. I don’t wanna grow up…I am a Toys r Us Kid…but the truth must remain the same that I am. Nigga lookin at marriage…he has got to be grow in some aspects…although still living with grandma…don’t tell nobody…cant even get my g.m.o. (GROWN MAN ON)


pEaCe

WHAT IN THE WORLD is really good...

Ok…so really…what the fuck (I really do hate this word…) but really…what the fuck is goin on with me. What in the hell have I been thinking. Ok, so like 2 weeks ago, this teacher came up to me and asked me to play in the student faculty basketball game…and so it was for the kids, and I said yes…with some doubt in my mind. I say that because I am NOT…I repeat I am NOT a baller. So all day today before the game…kids is talking about how they are going to dog me…and just talking mad head. And me…I aint going out like to punk!!!! And that is for DAMN sure. Some of the other teachers are like Wade, we gonna take em to the hole….in the back of my mind…I am like somebody gonna have to take me to the hospital…somehow I have got to get out of this game. The kids already think that I got skills because I was shooting with them 1 day…just 1 day. And this is the result that I get. I am a runner…cross county, and track…give me some hurdlers, and I will show you who is the man…ask me track boys…the will let you know. But on the real…I hate how society has placed this stereotype on black men that all we do is play basketball. The invention of this orange thing that we call a basketball is probably one of the greatest downfalls that have been invented to us as a society…it has done nothing to help us, except an elite few…black men, please go to college and make yourself a white collar job


Next up…the Ques, had they skating party, and of course…I showed my ass off. I was out there gettin it. On skates doing the chicken head, and some other stuff too…I was the HNIC on skates….then I got broke. My knee hit the ground hard as hell…black people aint supposed to bruise…but I did. I aint had a bruise since 04…(LOL). I think I played it off, but some people saw it and was like OOOOOOOOO…but its all good. SO now I am sore, but its all good because tomorrow is the basketball game…I just hope that I don’t embarrass myself.


Then this damn school work…I am mentally done. Like I told my teacher tonight…my brain hurts. SO I am here physically, but mentally…don’t ask me nothing…she just started laughing. BUT I was soooo serious. I have 2 papers that are due tomorrow, and a book with a presentation, and I am mentally done like a steak…

HOLLA

to move or not to move that is the question??

Ok…so here is another one….I have been telling people that I am bored…and so this is the result. It’s Sunday, and that is a non devil day…no bad things on the computer, gospel music for the most part, clean mind…and so on. I try at least. Now that I think of it...I have a girl, and looking at stuff on the web…is for losers I know that desperate times calls for desperate measures, but really…whats satisfaction are you getting…???? Its just a rhetorical question. But the reason for this other post is to talk about ATL…on of my best friends has been asking me since I have wanted to go to ATL, what is down there, and why. I haven’t been able to give him a reason except that I wanted to go…WHY NOT. Now that I am looking at it…I don’t know why I want to go. I think its to get away…I honestly don’t know. ( I really think that its to run away to get away from OSU, and the Greek scene, but running wont get you NO WHERE…so you pull yourself up by the bootstraps, and you suck that SHIT UP..and move the FUCK ON!!! Yes this shit burns me up and I am livid about it). Now that I am about to have a wifey…and a family one day, I am honestly thinking about stayin here. What do I have to loose. I mean I am greatly involved with Alpha, I love the school where I work at, I am working on my master degree. Teachers and students want to see me stay…I just don’t know. The advantage to go ATL, is nothing…just a new start…let the fun begin…which can also be scary. I don’t know what I want to do…my mind is set for ATL, but my heart is here in the 614. I have a feeling that my services may be needed even more in the Alpha arena…you just gotta know. But I think that’s all for now I think…

BUSY

Man…a lot has happened since my last post…to the point where I don’t even know where to start. I want to talk about my girlfriend and something other things too. First off I have been SOOOOOOOO busy with grad classes, they are killing me so thats why no post latley. ANY E WAYZ...So we have gone ring shopping since the last post, and all of them that we tried on she like. I know the style that she likes, and the range that I am looking for…about 3 grand. And to tell you the truth I didn’t know that the girl gets 2 rings out of the whole thing…and engagement ring, and a wedding ring…WOW. But we have been growing together and its really odd…as much as I hate it, I love it. I say that I hate it because I said I was done with females till I got my “hood”…(when you get a masters you get a hood…or something like that)…but I didn’t. When I tell people that I am back with here some people look at me like I am crazy…but its all good…I LOVE THE HATERS. Even my grandmother is hating, but that too is all good. When we go out, we just throw out ideals about the wedding, and what we want, and what we don’t want. So far this is what we got. This was all my idea. To have a fall wedding like in late September, and have it all white. We are still debating if it will be outside, or indoors…???. That is hot. We want a big wedding, and reception too…the more people, the more gifts RIGHT??? WE have event talked about the honeymoon. I let her go first with her idea, and she said Alaska…and that is cool… because I am ICE COLD, but at the same time…I don’t know. I then put my idea out there, and it was better….South Africa. We do know this that we want it to be in the late Spring, or the early fall. The early fall would be better…but we will see. We even have a place where was will have the wedding party at…and this place it hot. We BOTH fell in love with it the FIRST time that we walked up in the place…its just gonna cost because of its location. Yesterday 11/19/05 we went to a wedding, and we just looked at what we like, and disliked…so where are now thinking of places where we want to have the reception. But I guess the most important thing would first be to decide at whose church we gonna get married at first…and to do our marriage counseling…ahh man, this is getting way to deep. AND NOW FOR THE OTHER STUFF…Alpha I don’t even know what to say about this…except you got to take the bitter with sweet, I aint the one to live for drama, but at times, you got to put up with it ( at the end its all B.S.) to make you a stronger person. Well I have to go now because I have to go to my wifey’s aunt play at church…yes I know the family, and she knows mine. We are talking about Thanksgiving plans and what we are going to do. I think that we may end up going to both families. As I am typing all of this, I am kinda scared because of the unknown and I just want to know what is going to happen, what city I am going to be in. We (notice how everything is we…no longer just I…that takes some getting used to) have talked about what city we are going to. She doesn’t mind going go ALT, but would mind staying. She knows that it has been a long dream of mine to go to the south, and would support me in all that I do…and I love her for that…thanks babe….

OH YEA, she talked me out of using the knife last night…I was going to have to go postal.


Shutouts to the supportive sands ( if you don’t know if this is you…have I called you in the past 3 weeks), brush, and spec, and other folks in the greekdom that have helped me out in the past 3 weeks…606